My daughter (youngest) is scheduled to have a softball practice tonight. This involves feeding her dinner beforehand, since we live a half hour away. And you know what a cheap bastard I am, and not inclined to spend a dime on anything I don’t need to. Sorry, honey, it’s ketchup packets for dinner again. You think I’m kidding? Ha!

It’s when you’re most prepared for anything that nothing is most likely to happen. I think Confucius said that on one of his better days. So of course I’ve got my umbrella at the ready. Damn, that will prevent rain! No no, I think I’d rather there NOT be a practice tonight, so I DO need rain! And sure enough, it’s not raining!!

OK, what else can I do? Well if dinner is all set to go, surely the gods will smile on me, right? We had some bulky rolls in the fridge, so I popped those in my tote bag along with my daily ration of fruits. Then I stopped at the grocery store on my way to work and picked up some chicken patties, carrots, potato chips — all those things that help junior forget all about golden arches and the like. I may even have some chocolatey cookies here somewhere in the office — bonus!

Nope, still not raining. I’ll end up sitting there in the damp, catching numma… pneuma… a really bad cold!

I paid a visit to the cafeteria after my workout. They make a decent paneer keema that’s priced reasonably enough, when you factor in all of the mayo, mustard and yes — ketchup packets, that I’ll be filling my pockets with on my way out.

The ketchup — yes, the ketchup, the magical ketchup — it’s a miracle! As soon as I had that ketchup in my hand, I heard this god-awful sound from outside. I looked out the window and saw the rain pounding the ground and the windows. It was even louder when I got to the top floor — the rain on the roof can be quite an experience! And when I got to my office, stashed all of my packets, and began eating my tasty lunch, the e-mail arrived: no practice today!

I looked down at that ketchup packet and I could almost hear it speak: “you’re welcome,” it said.

Thank you, ketchup!!!