I used to have a puppy.

You know my puppy, don’t you? I must have written about the journey last winter to the breeder’s home down south and all that. He was so small! I’ve got pictures of him lying on this geometric-pattern rug in the living room, and in the pictures he’s only taking up one little square. But now when he stretches out, he must take up three, even four of them!

So small, so sweet, so innocent. But that was last winter and now it’s… has it really been that long? He’s almost eleven months old!

Yes, I used to have a puppy. Now he is a dog.

Almost, anyway — and not just the calendar. He’s more mature, he’s so well behaved… well, to a point.

But it is time to get him fixed. And yes, all pets should be spayed or neutered. Let’s just get that right out of the way. But he’s a working dog, so he needs his hormones for growth and development and all that.

BUT… and this is where we run into trouble… But what if we want to breed him? And so far he is showing so much promise in herding and agility. And his temperament — he is such a sweetie! What if we decide we want to get a female, or what if someone with a female wants a little of our pup?

What, indeed. That’s where the puppy in-vitro clinic comes in. I kid you not. You can save your dog in the canine sperm bank and then later on make a withdrawal for breeding. You have to pay for this, of course, but I think it’s a worthwhile investment — just in case we end up with a champion in our kennel.

But there’s the small matter of… well, the deposit to the bank. We made plans to meet with a veterinarian that does this kind of thing. I made it clear to Wifey that she would take Puppy in for his appointment. Well we show up for our appointment. We were running kind of late because we got a little lost finding the guy. So there I am with Puppy on his leash. And before I know it, the vet is giving me instructions. “Bring him right over here… stand here…”

And then all of a sudden he is… and he is… and OMG, is he… and…

Aren’t you glad I believe in long story short?

Let’s just say I used to have a puppy. Now he is a dog man.