Ahh, Halloween. Children all dressed up as their heroes and taking a healthful stroll around their neighborhood.

Right. I can’t wait to see how many Britney’s there will be. Please, kids — the one with the hair.

And the begging for candy. Haven’t I ranted on and on about Halloween before? Or is it Hallowe’en?

Bah humbug. Oh yes, I am the Grinch of Halloweens past, present and future.

Thank God we live at the end of a very long dirt road and nobody comes to the door, because I don’t think I could handle the ding-dong of the doorbell for two hours.

They’d have to take away the key to my gun locker.

“…just a precaution, sir,” I can hear them say.